I am 10 years old again…

I came across this article, and immediately flashed back to being a litlle kid (yeah, like I ever grew up…).

Retro Kid Cereals

I counted at least 4 of these that I ingested at some point, but most fondly recall opening a box of C-3PO’s… I also thought that “Grins & Smiles & Giggles & Laughs” was a great cereal, but we only saw it when I lived in North Carolina. and only when we “went to town”, which wasn’t often. (No, we weren’t Amish…) I also dug on “Baron Von Redberry”.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I was also down with this guy…

He rocked…I also remember Donkey Kong Cereal…but I was really holding out for “Defender” Cereal. Never Happened.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Fruit Brute makes an appearance in the movie “Pulp Fiction”…eaten by the character named “Lance” (Eric Stoltz).

I am all a-”Twitter”

For those who feel the need to constantly be updated on my every movement, I am now hooked into Twitter.

 

Here is my Twitter profile.

I think it’s kind of cool. A much better way to keep in touch with friends, etc. I think.  Just don’t send me updates every 9 seconds…that will tick me off.

She’s Gone

Yesterday, my wife left me…and took the kids with her.

 

Once again…WHAT A WAY TO OPEN A POST!!! Got your attention again!

My lovely wife has embarked on another Ballance Family Tradition. The Road-Trip.  This year, she is making the usual West Coast swing to California, and back thru the Southwest. I will be joining her next Saturday in Sacramento.  Of course, this means I am living the bachelor life for a few days.  Woo Hoo! Pistachios and beer for dinner again!!! Actually, last night, I DID go to The Flying Saucer, and added to my UFO Club total. “Beer’s like….f-ing great”. (O.T. Blasdon-”Spring Break”, 1983)

If you’d like to follow Brenda and the kids along on their journey, she is blogging regularly here. Today, they woke up in Oklahoma, and will go to bed in Arizona.

I miss them…and I can’t find any clean underpants. Free and easy, I guess…

Lack of frosty, cold, blog-ness…

Yeah, I know…I’ve been pretty bad about staying on top of the blog. Been kind of a busy week. You know how it goes…unless you, like, blog for a living. Then you don’t know the real meaning of busy…someday you will know. Probably at the moment when your mom finally kicks you out of the basement (see Launch, Failure To).

It’s not for a lack of material, I can tell you that much. In a week that took George Carlin away from us and gave us the Mini-Me Sex Tape…there should be plenty to discuss.

So what to blog about? Maybe it’s the fact that I will finally be sleeping in my own bed for the first time in over 2 weeks.  No, it’s not for the obvious reasons (see Tool, Lance can be one sometimes), it’s the fact that we have been getting our floors re-done in our master bedroom and living room.

Yes…the carpet is gone. (But, Why is the rug gone?) Well, let us tell you, Captain Jack..

First off, we have dogs. Dogs who like to chew and pee. (see Stains, The dogs peed and made). Second, we’ve always liked the look of natural surfaces. So, we decided to go with the coolest new idea, Concrete Stain. (See Stain, Non-canine).

We looked for several options and folks who could do this for us, and found a 2-man crew who did a very good job, with one notable exception. Our concrete floors have this fiber material in them, apparently to strengthen the concrete. It works. The problem is, after the stain crew did their work and re-finished the floors, the fibers hardened, and stood straight up, like little velcro hooks. Didn’t see THAT coming…I noticed them as I tired to walk barefoot across the new floor.  So, the floors had not a smooth shine to them, but instead gave the impression that they needed a shave…badly.

So, we decided to rent a belt sander and sand down the fibers again and have the floors re-finished.  Lesson learned. My floors are now as smooth as can be, and we are ready to move back into our bedroom.  Biggest new issue, is that without carpet there is now a distinct echo in our bedroom. That could be problematic, if you catch my drift (See Monkey, Howler).

Socks make great indoor skates. Time for some floor hockey.

The MLGW responds…

I figured that this comment to my previous post deserved a post all it’s own:

“Hi Lance,
I saw your post and thought I’d try to explain our rationale behind the outage map. We had the same reaction you did when the subject was brought up years ago, that people without electricity wouldn’t have much use for it. However, we discovered in 2003 after the windstorm that people were calling those who still had Internet access to get updates that we had listed on the web. The media also used the web as a resource. Hope this helps and let us know if you have any questions.

Glen Thomas, Supervisor
Communications & PR”

You know what? Kudos for explaining the thought process to me. I applaud Mr. Thomas for stepping up and describing the reasoning behind it.  Credit where credit is due…

Now, about my bill…

Was this thought out completely?

I’m not going to profess to being a genius or anything, but I heard this story on an unidentified TV station today, and it got me thinking…

Memphis Light, Gas and Water (MLGW…the Happiest Utility on Earth), has come up with an “outage map” on their website, which will show customers where outages are happening at any given time.

Hmmmm, let’s think about this for a second. If the power goes out, I can just go online and check to see…….hold on…..ummm, my computer is like……not working.  Oh yeah…because THE FREAKING POWER IS OUT!!!! That’s helpful! Maybe it’s just me, but someone at MLGW had too much time on their hands one day and started playing with the website. Those same computers that run the website…figure your bill.

Ideas like this…benefit us all. 

As seen on TV…part 3

Once again…I LOVE Live television.

From KPIX in San Francisco.

Dana, by the way, is a woman. No TV News Anchors were actually harmed in bringing you this segment.

“DAMMIT! ANYTHING YOU PUT ON THAT TELEPROMPTER…BURGUNDY WILL READ!”

We’re not in Kansas anymore…

…because God just laid the smacketh down and moved you to Iowa, whether you like it or not.

Imaging seeing this from your front porch. “Hello? Allstate? Check, please!”

My wife is evil…

My lovely wife, Brenda…is a sneaky, rotten, lowdown snake.

 

….what a way to start a blog, huh? Got yer attention NOW?

No, she is not playing a part in “Snakes On A Plane 2-Electric Boogaloo”, although I may write that screenplay. Can’t be any worse than the first one…

The reason I say this, is because she was able to pull off a wonderful surprise to me on Father’s Day (yes, apparently…I have fathered 2 children). My day started by the shores of Herb Parson’s Lake in Fayette County, Tennessee with my oldest daughter. We had a great time fishing, and returned home around noon. (No, we didn’t catch anything but some sunshine).

After cleaning up, we had lunch at one of my favorite places, Pei Wei Asian Bistro (perhaps pronounced “PEEEE WEEEE”, but probably not). At this point, I noticed that she was seeming a bit concerned about the time, and after a stop at another store, where she announced “I don’t want to be here for an hour, let’s get this going” we drove to my surprise.

The next sign that something was up came as we pulled into the parking lot of a local movie theater, and after asking, she said she was thinking about seeing a movie. Normally, we discuss our movie viewing to9gethr, so this seemed out of place. However, she never stopped the car. Huh? Is this a drive-in??? Instead, she continued thru the parking lot, stopping at a local day spa. My first thought was “Do I need to get my haircut?”, but when she said to “get out”…the situation changed.

We walked in, and Brenda told the lady behind the counter that “Lance is here for his 3:30 appointment”. WHA???? What appointment? She then looked at me and said “Have a good time!”  Without my knowing, she had booked a 1 hour massage and pedicure for me. I was floored. They needed a hour on a massage table to revive me.

And yes…it was gooooooooooooooooooood.

 

I really have to step up my game now…

 

Sneaky, rotten, wench…..I love you….

I FOUND IT!!! The classic KOVR Sign-Off!

A bit of nostalgia…I LOVED this when I was a kid growing up in Sacramento.

Good night!