It’s never too early…

…to give the kids a really cool costume.

Ipecac cures all...

…Happy Halloween, y’all.

Awww, hell no…

I was THIS close to wanting to buy Guitar Hero for the kids…

…until I saw, this.

Please, they picked a song that SUCKS in Guitar Hero form. They should be playing Iron Man or something.

Fail…epic fail.

My heavens…I can NOT stop laughing at this…

…I’m not going to call it greatest video ever, but it’s pretty darn close.

10 seconds in, it begins…and like nuclear war, 15 seconds later it’s alllllllllll over.

Try not to laugh, I dare you.

My sides…….really hurt.

I’ve noticed something…

…if you walk up to pretty girls at a cocktail party with a video camera, and ask them to say how much they love your radio station on camera, they will either:

A: get embarrassed and oblige.

B: become VERY excited and get extremely chatty…ruining your basic idea.

C: call for security.

D: do EVERYTHING beautifully…ask for station swag (which we HAPPILY provided)…and then screw up the name of your station… (ie: “Magic 65.9″)

If you picked “D”, you have the story of my evening.

The heck with concert tickets…I’m bringing big ole’ cue cards next time.

I’m not sure which is more offensive…

…this? Or her ridiculous appliance commercials. If I toss a cookie in the air, it NEVER lands in my kids hands…it hits the floor and becomes the game ball in a Dog Hockey game.

…but I digress.

Such harsh language. I think it was intentional, who mentions Mike Schmidt anymore? I think that Lenny DYKE-stra is another Naughty former Phillie… try not to say Dykstra without giggling. I dare you. Lindsay Lohan can…but you can’t.

I am now a prisoner…

…a prisoner of Technology.

Let me clarify by sayng that I LOVE gadgets.  My laptop…HDTV…technology is my friend. However, my friend has just become more of a part of my life than I could ever imagine:

I have a Blackberry.

Not Actual Size

Yes, I am now connected 24/7 to the world around me, as my employer has purchased a BlackBerry for my use.  I have a BlackBerry Pearl, which I will be exchanging for one that has an actual keyboard…like my Treo. I feel like when I send an e-mail, that I am using my daughters phone to text my friends…since the keys can represent 2 different letters. RUwitme? This means that when you type, it guesses what you are saying, and goes from there. I am not amused. No one guesses what Lance Ballance has to say…they are to understand and obey my words. I want…..keys.

It may cost me, but I will be uprading to the Curve or Storm when that comes out. The Pearl is just too…too………..cute for me.

CUL8R.

Time to call the Men In Black…

“Zed, we have a bug…”-Tommy Lee Jones, Men In Black

Noooooooo shit.

This is my new roommate.

Hi...I'm Ba-roach Obama.

I have noticed the occasional “critter” in my domain, but this guy made his presence known last night, climbing up the wall in my room.  I will not lie…this guy was HUGE! Easily the size of my thumb, or perhaps an Olympic gymnast. 

So, I did this first thing any red-blooded American would do, I took a picture (it lasts longer). After capturing him on celluloid, it became time to capture him with toilet paper.  Not only was he large…but fast. Eventually, I caught up with Arnold Roachenegger, and after giving him a good squeeze, tossed him in the toilet.

At that point, I discovered that the myth that, like Keith Richards, roaches can survive anything……was true.

F--- with me, NOT!

He began to do his best Michael Phelps impression and made a break for it…in the toilet. Too bad my trigger finger was quicker than his ability to levitate his 6-legged ass out of my bowl…and down he went.

If he was this cute...he'd still be alive...

Apartment living…LIVE THE DREAM!!!

If it doesn’t fit…he’s still going to prison.

Last night…the Juice was squeezed.  OJ was found guilty on all counts relating to his lost weekend in Vegas. Guilty of Kidnapping, Burglary, and attempted theft of Christmas.

Guilty as hell

What I find fascinating in all of this, is not that he was guilty (he’s just never been convicted before)…it wa sthat the verdict was annouced at 11PM!!! You heard right, 11PM is when the verdict was read. But then again…this is Vegas. Apparently there are no clocks in jury rooms or casinos. 11PM…that’s early in Vegas. I imagine the jury was still able to make the buffet at the MGM Grand and the midnight Lance Burton show.

The Clark County Courthouse and Gambling Hall

I don’t know why, but I couldn’t raise my kids in a world where homicidal Heisman Trophy winners were allowed to roam the streets freely. I am taking the bars off my windows as we speak.

Bottom line…OJ is finally going to prison. it took 14 years, but justice is served.

Somewhere…Judge Ito is smiling.

If I were Sarah Palin’s kid…

I wonder what Biden would look like naked?

…my name would be Sport Grunt Palin.

WTF????

A genius…a creative evil genius, has come up with the Sarah Palin Baby Name Generator.

Just click on it…and all will be explained.