July 2008 – The Road Lance Traveled…

Samuel Adams…Lance Ballance. No resemblance.

It’s a glorious night without the wife and kids once again. They are due back on Sunday, and I am ready to spend a few quality days with them. However, since my single days are winding down, I need to enjoy my single man-style while I can. And tonight…that means Homebrewed Beer. Homebrewed…by me. You got it. I have been a fledgling homebrewer for quite some time, and since I am a sponge for knowledge, I have done as much as I can to learn about the craft, and try some recipes. Some chefs work in pastry, or pasta. I work in Hops and Barley. So here I sit, enjoying a craft beer of my own design. I’ve even got a name for it: “Old Broadcaster”. Nice, huh? It took about 6 weeks from boiling to beer, and I finished with around 40 bottles of beer. I’m down to about 36, now… J

: I call this…happiness.

A lot of guys love to share the meat they grill, so why not show pride in my creation? I’m looking forward to my next batch. I may try something more aggressive, like a porter or stout. I’m a big fan of heavier beers, such as Guinness. Maybe, I can give Sam Adams a nervous night with my special brew. Or, maybe not.

The next chapter…

I figure at this point, since both of the daily radio trades have called me to ask: “What the?”, it would make sense to blog about the only thing going on in my life right now.

It is true. I am departing FM 100. My last day at 1960 Union will be this coming Friday. I have spent 3 ½ years with some really amazing people here, but the day eventually comes when you feel that you have the need to move forward, and make a new start. That’s how I feel right now. This is a new start. I had this realization in Stockton, California…I had it in L.A., twice…again in Salt Lake City…and now, here in M-town. It’s not a bad feeling…it’s actually a feeling of wanting to be more and do more. It’s time for more in my life, for my career, and for my family…If not for them and their support and love…I would not do what I do.

Destiny is what you make of it. And I am a firm believer that things happen for a reason. Without getting too terribly spiritual, I don’t believe that God would have allowed me to make the choices that I have made without a plan. Don’t get me wrong, I know thatnow is the time to bust my hump and continue to be a provider for my family, even though we’re all a little nervous about the future. But there are more opportunities out there than you can realize, the question is which one is right for me? There is a reason the road took The Ballance family to Salt Lake City, and then to Memphis. It’s not because of the BBQ (which is great), but because of the options that have been presented to me professionally…as well as the lessons I have learned personally. There is a reason that The Lord has allowed me to interact with as many people as I have in my career path, and it’s to create connections and relationships and then believe that all of these people will somehow play a role in my future, and my life. I am floored by the amount of support I have seen from people in the business. I cannot thank you all enough. Today has been a tough day of planning the next step, but the calls and e-mails and leads I have received from my peers have been nothing short of awe-inspiring.

If you know me, you know that I am a sponge. I love to soak up information and learn as much as I can about anything and everything. I also love to share what I have learned. Memphis, like Salt Lake and Los Angeles before it, was and is a tremendous learning experience. I have shared as much as I can with those who wanted to learn as well, and am the better for it. The key is taking what you learn and applying it properly. You can trust me in that I have learned many lessons along the way, and will continue to learn until my grandchildren’s children teach me even more. Believe me, they’ll be getting an earful from me anyway… My advice to anyone reading this, is to stop and listen. Take a step back in life. Listen to the trees, your kids, birds, you name it. And then…make some noise. That’s what I’ll be doing.

You’ll be hearing from me. I will make noise again for all to hear (depending on the Arbitron Sample). But, for now…I’m just, listening. Listening for the next knock of opprotunity.

Asleep at the wheel…

…or the TV, or the desk…anywhere is good right about now.

I’m starting to notice an issue. With my wife out of town, I am tending to stay awake longer that I usually do, and in the process getting less sleep. I’m honestly having trouble figuring it out, but think I have a possible reason.

My wife.

You see, Brenda has told me that she has a difficult time sleeping in our bed along if I am away. I never really thought that the door would swing both ways, but swing it does. If I am travelling, or on the couch, no problemo. I go out like a light. But, in my own bed, where there is now a void, it’s tougher than I thought. I wil just stare at the wall, or the light under the door, and try to nod off, but I seem to toss and turn a lot lately. I may be ready for of more of those special tablets. As my youngest daughter says: “Daddy! Lunesta is coming!!!”

Do people really need each other so much that they cannot regularly function without them? I’m starting to think so. After all, since Brenda and the kids left, I just stare at my plate and wait for the food to appear. This does not work very well…c’mon food! Show up! It works for the DOGS!!!! Why not me???

MTV 1981-2008

Ladies and Gentlemen, it is my sad duty to report that MTV, formerly known as “Music Television”, has passed on.

Even though there is no official word from Viacom, MTV’s corporate parent, MTV has left us…as of last evening.

Why do I say this? Because MTV has slipped into a coma. It is no longer responsive and relevant in today’s culture and has lost it’s status as a trend setter. My reasoning:

This guy.

You got it. Last night at midnight, I was going thru the channels on my most excellent DirecTV, and saw that MTV was not running it’s usual lineup of self-important bimbos or pimped-out cribs, but instead was running SpongeBob SquarePants. I…am…not kidding. SpongeBob. On M-T-Freaking-V.

My first reaction was to pour out my Lowenbrau and call Poison Control, but I realised that it was not a hallucination. They are actually airing him on MTV! That just floored me. Now, I am fully aware of the fact that SpongeBob is a cult hero, and HUGE with the college crowd, so it makes sense along those lines. But I’ve never programmed to such a narrow demographic as 19-23 year old speed freaks. Not sure that’s a high dollar demo.

Back to my original point. This confirms that the MTV that I grew up with is dead. No longer important to those who grew up on the power of the music and sometimes compelling social commentary. Instead, they are choosing to go the cheap route and use content from another one of the Viacom Networks and save $$ on original thinking. Besides…if the meth heads really want to watch SpongeBob, Nickelodeon is already part of their cable package. They’re not too stoned to change the channel.

What’s next? Fairly Oddparents on MTV? The Hills on Nickelodeon??? Actually, that might not be bad. You’d immediately increase the IQ of the MTV audience by 20 points… Avatar wouldn’t be bad on MTV…but it would fall WAY over the taregt demos heads…better keep that on Nick, where the intellectuals are.

MTV 1981-2008.

You can’t fine Ugly…

Stolen gratuitously from Paul Gough at The Hollywood Reporter…

“A federal appeals court on Monday squelched a lower court’s ruling to fine CBS $550,000 for a brief show of Janet Jackson’s breast during the February 2004 Super Bowl halftime show.

The U.S. Court of Appeals for the 3rd Circuit in Philadelphia rejected the FCC’s contention that CBS willfully violated indecency standards for the MTV Networks-produced show, in which Justin Timberlake ripped open Jackson’s shirt and briefly exposed her breast. It aired for less than a second.

CBS and its 20 owned-and-operated stations that each had to pay a $27,500-plus fine aren’t necessarily out of the woods yet. The 3rd District Court of Appeals sent the matter back to the FCC, which could either do nothing or ask the court to reconsider. The FCC also could ask the U.S. Supreme Court to hear the case, consolidating the appeal with the earlier Fox case on the Billboard Music Awards. That case will be heard by the Supreme Court sometime after the new judicial year begins in October.”

In layman’s terms: “Staring at Janet Jackson’s boob did nothing for us, and we seriously thought that we were looking at a deflated football. We thought it was part of the game”.

Puh-leeze. Sorry to say, but not only was Janet Jackson NOT titillating, but it was rather ugly. Michael Jackson might just have nicer boobs. Besides, it only distracted from an AWESOME GAME! 32-29 Patriots, as Adam Vinatieri crushed the Panthers soul with 4 seconds left. Remember that? The bigger concern is that this caused the Super Bowl Halftime show to morph into the “Geritol Halftime Extravaganza”. As much as I love Paul McCartney…that was quite the 180 from the Janet and Justin show the previous year. And this past year….who was it again? Tom Petty? Great…who’s next…Herman’s Hermits??? The Who would be cool, just to see Pete Townshend smash his guitar into the Madden Cruiser.

If anything, I fell more in love with my wife that day, because it confirmed what I already knew…that she was sooo much hotter than Janet Jackson…still is. Bottom Line: You can’t fine ugly…and no, I won’t post the picture again.

All Work, No Play, No Dark Knight

This could also have been titled, “Weekend at Bruce Wayne’s….NOT”! I may still change it. Give me time…

This weekend was spent as all weekends without the family should, drinking, watching TV, and cleaning out my bathroom sink. Yes, I spent the better part of a hour and a half cleaning out a clog under my bathroom sink. For that, I am accomplished. Love me, and the gooey ickyness that is my bathroom. All I could think of as I was putting the pipes back under the sink was…”Did I do THAT????”

I also took out the mower and laid waste to my lawn. It is now clean and new again. We no longer have the appearance of a house that used to have a car on blocks has. For that, I am accomplished.

I also drank a LOT of beer. For that, I cannot feel my face. Yet, I am accomplished.

I, however, did NOT get to see “The Dark Knight”. Which, if you hadn’t heard, made over 1.7 Billion Dollars in one weekend, cured cancer, and lowered gas prices to 63 cents per gallon. Yes, It’s that good, and I missed it. I will see it later this week, when it will only take 7 hours in line to get into the theater.

In teh meantime. Ron Olson and Brett did see “The Dark Knight”, they got into the spirit by dressing up. They are so much fun as you can see below.

Yes, just a cheap excuse to post that picture. Sorry. My blog is starting to look more and more like Ron’s Blog everyday…I have to stop now.

When Nerds Attack

Okay…I am a gadget guy, self professed. HOWEVER, I do not have an Ipod, nor any other mp3 player. My wife DOES, however, have an Ipod. As a gadget guy, I do get excited when new things come out, but not to the level that IPhone-Mania has reached. I’m sorry, but I cannot in any way justify standing in line just to be the first to buy anything…period.

But, I digress. Here is KTLA reporter Eric Spillman (who I have met, like, in person from my L.A. days), asking the obvious questions to a nerd customer of the new Iphone who was standing on line. He’s obviously testy that he is not yet able to upload his archived episodes of Deep Space Nine to his cool new IPhone. Hilarity ensues…

Hate to say it…but Eric DID in fact ask the questions we wanted answered. Just answer the question and lose the ‘tude, Dexter…

I’m back…and, my back.

I have returned to Memphis after the vacation with the family. As much as I enjoy travelling, there is one small problem that I have when flying. It’s the fact that I am getting older…and I get mystery pains. Last night after getting off the plane in Memphis, I noticed that I was starting to feel these small twinges in my back. At first I thought “Oh well…it’s just the plane ride”, since my right shoulder is also hurting from carrying my computer bag.. Now, it has become a full-blown, 4-alarm, cringe-worthy problem. Last night, I maybe only got 3 hours of sleep, as I tossed and turned to get comfortable, and am having issues sitting for any length of time in my office chair. This hurts, a lot.

I’ve done the Advil thing already, and have tried to “stretch it out” to no avail. It may be time to self-medicate on a different level. I honestly think that sitting in an uncomfortable airplane seat for upwards of 6 hours may have had something to do with this.

So, how to solve this problem? I really don’t have the $$ to upgrade to the fine Corinthian leather of first class, and the pillows on most planes are nothing more than air filled cloth. Some folks have the “neck pillow” that costs more than a new Hyundai at the gift shop, but it’s a BACK problem…

Two words: Lumbar Support. They have the means to adjust the angle of the seats, and to pipe in 12 channels of non-offensive lite rock…so it can’t be too hard to add just one more lever and add lumbar support, right? Anyone?

I’m open to suggestions…and to an evening at Flying Saucer to numb my pain.

Breathing-optional.

If you’ve had a chance to see CNN or any other news source, you’ve seen that California is flaming (no, not that kind of flaming…that’s another blog for another day). But, there are fires to left of us..fires to the right. Here I am…stuck in the middle with you. All of the fires in the state, along with the heat (106 today) are causing the air quality to go from “Unhealthful” to “Tailpipe”.

I\'m Mr. Heat Miser...cough, cough. — I'm Mr. Heat Miser...cough, cough.

This was a picture that Brenda took yesterday of the sun…Ick.

The worst was yesterday when the winds picked up up and blew the smoke towards the foothill communities. Mind you, I am staying in a town called “Rocklin“. Please look it up on a map…and look and the pretty hills in rests against. You got it. ALL of the smoky goodness was concentrated right here. It was so bad, that we actually had trouble breathing and opening our eyes outside. We did go to Expo Design Center and look at all of the home improvement items that we cannot afford, and then picked up our girls and headed back indoors, to a little slice of heaven called Rubio’s. Mmmmmm, Baja California food….

I had 3 “street tacos”, while Brenda enjoyed some good old fashioned Fish Tacos. Really made me want to look at buying that retirement property in Cabo that I keep telling my self I want to buy someday. The problem is, I need to “retire” first. And since I am only 40…we’ve got a long way to go.

Last night was the big “family” meal at Hop Sing’s Chinese in Folsom. That meant…family photo.

My California Travellog…

I have arrived in California. And yes…it’s a dry heat. Try about 100 degrees today, but 0% humidity. Niiiiiice. I can dig that. After arriving yesterday and being awake for about 21 hours straight (with the exception of the near constant state of exhaustion on the plane), I have taken it easy today. We did, however, decide to head to a local park and let the kids play. Since there was little or no shade where the kids could play, we mostly sat on the grass and watched the wild turkeys. Yes…Wild Turkeys (it’s not just a beverage). There were wild turkeys roaming around under the oak tree near our location. My kids thought that this was the coolest thing ever, since they’d only seen turkeys on TV, or wrapped up in the freezer case with the word “BUTTERBALL” across their chest.

How wrong am I that I immediately thought “Wow…a little gravy and some marinade…” I also noticed how lean the turkeys were. Not that fat at all, and definately mature since they had chicks. So, what does that say about the typical Thanksgiving turkey? Lazy freaks of nature…getting plumped up just so we can feel like we are eating more…what do they do to those turkeys to fatten them up so much? Gotta be free-range baby.

A little bit of wilderness, in this suburban world.