Still Here

This is a poem/story I wrote, while a guest of the Commonwealth…


I…am Still Here.

In spite of my failures and my indiscretions, even with my poor choices in life, I am still here…

After seeking validation in the arms of another woman, after committing a heinous act of jealousy against my partner, I am still here…

Incarcerated, ashamed, regretful, I am still here…

After losing my livelihood, my sense of self-worth, and people I called friends, I am still here…

Even as I nearly decided that my life was worth nothing, and entertained the idea of drawing my last breath to spare those I love from the pain of having me in their lives… somehow,

I am still here. 

And, I am grateful.

My wife, who I hurt so terribly, she is still here. 

My children, who should be ashamed of their father and had the stigma of a father in jail, they are still here. 

My mother, and family, who never wavered in their love for me, they are still here. 

The ghosts of the past, who will remind me every day of the life that I led, and the lessons I must learn, they are still here. 

I will not be here forever, in jail or in life. So, I must create a path unique to myself. I cannot let other forces control my emotions, my soul, my choices, or my free will. I cannot let the demons that enslaved me win the battle. Because, I am strong. I am my own man.

I…am still here.


Author: Lance Ballance

No TV and No Beer make Lance...something something...

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