Did I die?

I have to admit, I have shared quite a bit online and have no problem explaining the fact that I have made some pretty big mistakes, without question.  Being forthcoming about my failures, while still reconnecting with those who I abandoned in my life. I allowed other distractions to cloud my vision of what and who are really important in my life, and I must clear that fog.

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However, there are those I still consider friends…who now seem to have the opinion that I am invisible. Ghost-like. Dead to them. These are people who I gave every ounce of my wisdom and guidance to, and now act as if they never knew me or called me friend, never asked my advice, never sought my counsel, or never once had me stand up for them. All of which is incredibly sad and selfish, in my opinion.

I have had exactly 2 people from my former place of employment reach out or respond to any communication. I know that there is a level of discomfort, but I cannot believe that after all that I did for them, standing up for them at every instance, fighting for pay increases when there were none to give, and rolling up my sleeves to make their lives easier…no one has yet asked what I was feeling or going through. Yet, it’s interesting…ALL of them, for the most part, have remained my friends and connections on social media…as if they are only interested in being voyeurs in my world, rather than participating in the healing.  Then again, the hallways at the Winsor Building are full of nothing but negativity and toxicity. The people there feed off of it. It is all they can do…wallow in self-misery, while shamelessly mocking others. I know that must be the reason why there is even more upheaval within the department…that no one can take the level of sadness, savagery, and anger that is a hallmark of the cluster.

I was once their friend, leader, coach, and mentor. I have employees who worked for me 15 years ago who have reached out, yet no one in my most recent home has the desire to care about anyone but themselves. I still think about them all the time, wish them success, and care tremendously about all of them, but am now wondering why I didn’t see their true colors before now. If I were in your shoes, I’d be checking in constantly to see how you were doing. It’s human decency…yet, I am not sure anyone left there is decent.

It is a slippery slope with the circumstances, I will admit. But, at the end of the day…you are my friends. I will always think of you as such, and have never had a bad thing to say about you all. I defended you, and even kept some of you employed longer than you probably should have been. You don’t owe me anything…except perhaps some semblance of decency, and compassion

Be good to each other, and to those who need you. To those of us who are no longer there daily, and to those who have no choice but to walk away. shortly. I’m not dead…so there is no reason to make me feel as if I am to you…

LB

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Author: Lance Ballance

No TV and No Beer make Lance...something something...

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