This story is NOT about John Daly…

Although, it would be HYSTERICAL if it were. Read on….and you’ll understand:

Courtesy of Fox News…Fair, and Ballanced.

PONTE VEDRA BEACH, Fla. —  Doug Barron, a 40-year-old journeyman who lost his tour card three years ago, became the first player to be suspended by the PGA Tour for testing positive for a performance-enhancing substance.

The American was immediately suspended for one year, the PGA Tour said Monday. He played eight full seasons on the tour, with his best finish a tie for third at the Byron Nelson Championship in 2006.

“I would like to apologize for any negative perception of the tour of its players resulting from my suspension,” Barron said in a statement released by the tour. “I want my fellow tour members and the fans to know that I did not intend to gain an unfair competitive advantage or enhance my performance while on tour.”

The tour announced the suspension about two hours before the World Golf Hall of Fame induction ceremony. The tour said it would have no further comment, and Barron’s agent did not immediately return a call.

Under its doping policy, the tour announces a suspension but does not disclose what substance a player used. The tour did not start random testing until July 2008, which includes its second-tier Nationwide Tour.

Barron played a full Nationwide schedule last year, making only five cuts in 17 starts to earn $33,446. He played four times on the Nationwide Tour this year, and his lone PGA Tour start came at the St. Jude Classic, where he missed the cut.

The last time Barron made news was in 2006 at what is now the Transitions Championship outside Tampa, Florida, where he removed his shirt to play a shot out of the water on the 16th hole at Innisbrook. He exposed an ample belly on television, drawing jokes from players.

Barron’s most recent tournament was in September at the Mexico Open, co-sanctioned by the Nationwide Tour, where he missed the cut.

 

Okay, let’s think about this…I can see other sports having this problem, but GOLF??????????????

The only performance enhancing substance in Golf….comes on the Drink cart.  You get 4 or 5 Heineken’s in me, and I’m Phil Mickelson (Moobs and all).

I'm too sexy for my shirt...
I'm...too sexy for my shirt.

I’d say something about Tiger here…but he just might decide to kick my ass…

tiger-woods1
Augusta is hosting...the GUN show!

 

I am NOT cool with this…

As a Weather Channel junkie, this is unacceptable.

Weather Channel To Air Movies For First Time

Associated Press, Oct 20 2009, 3:25 PM ET

NEW YORK (AP) — The Weather Channel plans to show movies for the first time in its 27-year history.

First up? “The Perfect Storm.”

The network has slipped longer programming into its constantly rotating forecasts in recent years. But over a four-week period starting the night before Halloween, the cable network will try Friday night movies.

Its managers figured the George Clooney movie about a horrific storm off the New England coast would be a good first choice – particularly since it’s airing on the 18th anniversary of the actual event.

NOOO! NOT STORM STORIES AGAIN!!!
NOOO! NOT STORM STORIES AGAIN!!!

Uhhhhhhh, no. If I don’t get my weather on the 8’s. I’m calling the cable company. This is very uncool. Heck, they’re even going to show “Misery” with Kathy Bates…since snow plays a role in the story. That’s no different that showing “Cast Away” because the plane goes down in a storm.  But then again, what is the difference between this, and ESPN Classic showing “Caddyshack”…not much.

I need my fix of Jim Cantore standing on a beach fighting 190 mile an hour winds as Hurricane Emelianodiegocastaneda rolls in… I blame NBC for this, since this would never have happened before they bought the network. What’s next? Leno doing “Headlines” with a weather theme? Or the Travel Channel showing “Ocean’s Eleven” because it revolves arond Las Vegas? Actually…don’t have a problem with that one.

If the Weather Channel shows movies…the terrorists win.

Just curious…

How in the HECK am I getting any hits, with such a paltry amount of interaction? Geez? Up to 90-100 per day? Wow…y’all are just desperate. I know my missives have been few and far between. But, I have a good excuse:

Inside the Presidential loo...
Inside the Presidential loo...

I’m making these…

Not LITERALLY, mind you…although it could be more lucrative, albeit felonious.

Nah…I have a job. A damn good one, if I do say so my damn self.  Because of that…I don’t have as much time to search for the absurdity in life, it just shows up at my office door now.

That being said…more stuff I love. And YES, I would have done this too with my kids, my wife knows this.

Bored…

I am almost done with vacation…a well-deserved one in my opinion (your actual opinion my vary. I am currently at the airport in Las Vegas, waiting for my (now delayed) plane. I am on a layover (Not that kind of layover, but what happens in Vegas…), and am bored out of my mind.  I am tired of the slot machines…although the Star Wars ones seem pretty cool…

Not Droids.
Not Droids.

I spent last week in Sacramento on vacation. For the first time in YEARS, I was able to enjoy the 4th of July with my family. It’s a (pun intended) blast. The capper to the night was the immolation of over $1000 in fireworks.  We celebrated our Nation’s independence the only way Real Americans should…by blowing shit up.

Oh say can you...RUN!!!!
Oh say can you...RUN!!!!

After that, the week was a collection of memories. From Golf with my in-laws, to a day trip to San Francisco, and all points in the middle…I had fun. And I want to come back.

However, I must stop, my laptop battery is croaking. However, to close this missive, the guy sitting next to me has a freakin’ bar code tattooed on his arm. You read correctly, A BAR CODE!  I really want to look it up to see what it is for…or how much this yutz thinks he’s worth. What are you…a steak?

Scan me...I'm special, and $1.99 a pound.
Scan me...I'm special, and $1.99 a pound.

Tattoo fail.

Do not try this at home…

Yes, it’s thunderstorm season again. And, with that, come tornadoes. This is a very cool video that was shot INSIDE a tornado.  Yes…everyone was okay. No meterologists were injured in the making of this film.

If I could find the video of Les Nessman describing what to do when the tornadoes attack…I’d post that too.

…pretty cool, huh?

David Carradine…’nuff said.

Shocked…shocked I am after logging into my blog today. Why am I shocked? Quite frankly…I’m stunned that anyone actually READS this steamer of a blog. I’m also stunned after looking at the stats that 3 people found it by Googling my name. Who would Google me? (I’m looking at you, Perez…stop calling me.)

But, I happily digress.

David Carradine is dead. Not in the “Kill Bill” manner that I honestly expected him to go out in. But somehow he found a way to go out in an even more outrageous manner.

Hands…and junk…joined by rope.

Not going to get into specifics…just in case my 12 year old daughter was one of the ones Googling my name (in that case…the weird My Little Pony/Transformers mashup is the next post down). But, let’s just say in Thailand…where Bill ultimately “met the Bride”…it may (or may not) be referred to as “natural causes”.

But, what about David’s film legacy? Wow…where do you start? In my opinion, it all starts and ends with one…shining monument to cinematic glory…

DEATH RACE 2000.

I first saw this movie sitting on a video store shelf in 1982, and must have worn out the tape with repeated rentals. It also aired during the time we were pirating HBO in the early 80’s. For those who don’t know…click here for the Wikipedia, I simply don’t have the time and am stealing a wireless connection. Media…should be free.

This scene may sum it all up. David Carradine (as Frankenstein), in a small fit of road rage.

The added bonus, is that at the end of the clip, we enjoy about 5 seconds of the single greatest radio personality to EVER grace the mic…The Real Don Steele.  With him…and also appearances by “Gopher” from The Love Boat and a young Sylvester Stallone…this movie makes my “Lance Ballance VHS-Tory” collection. Just awesome…

……oh, and don’t tie yourself up, kids. Dying is bad.