Eat Mor Chikin

The first time I saw this today, my sides hurt. Now, I can’t feel my legs…it’s that funny.

Ask for the 11th herb at the counter today…

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The Oscars are now 50% “Hunkier”…

I must have been under a rock for a while, or perhaps so ambivalent about movies anymore that it just hit me that the Oscars are this weekend. Haven’t they already engraved Heath Ledger’s name on the Best Actor trophy, and awarded Slumdog Millionaire Best Picture? I thought this was done and done. I guess not. They still need to go through with the actual ceremony, which is as exciting as watching a tax preparer review your form 6254-B.  There is usually nothing compelling about the Oscar event, or any other awards ceremony. At least with the Grammys or American Music Awards there is a chance that some random rockstar will show up in a percodan induced haze.  Not at the Oscars.  This year, however, they have at least done SOMETHING to improve watchability…

Hollywood phonies in the first 10 rows may get wet.
Hollywood phonies in the first 10 rows may get wet.

Hugh Freakin’ Jackman is the host. Trust me, my wife’s eyes will be FIXED on that screen.  I’m sorry, but this move I approve of. At least we now have a host who has actually; A) Been in movies that people have watched and liked… B). has KILLED someone on screen (plural)… C). can never die.

Ladies…take your pick, who would you rather stare at for 4 hours on a Sunday Night. The guy above…This guy:

No! Don't make me watch "Father's Day" again!!!!
No! Don't make me watch "Father's Day" again!!!!

Or…this guy:

A crazed fan bit off my other ear...but I manage.
A crazed fan bit off my other ear...but I manage.

The choice is clear…but I was busy. Give ’em hell, Wolverine…

A cheap way of driving web traffic…

In the broadcasting business, sometime we must resort to surefire tricks, cheap ploys,  and shameless stunts to drive up our numbers. This is one of those times…

Welcome to Guerilla Marketing 101. Class is in session.

IndyCar 1, NASCAR 0.
IndyCar 1, NASCAR 0.

This is Exhibit “A”…Danica Patrick. She is in the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue. Every depraved guy and motor sports fan is Googling her name and “Swimsuit” as we speak. Using these words and that photo in this blog…guarantee me hits.

I'm gettin' too old for this...
I'm gettin' too old for this...

Exhibit “B”…Brett Fav-ruh. He has yet again announced his retirement. By adding the tag “Brett Favre” or “Brett Favre Retirement” to this blog, I guarantee web hits…and perhaps even a mention by John Madden next season: “Now here’s a blog that shows the picture of Brett Favre on his ass and BOOM!”

I have come...to stimuate you.
I have come...to stimulate you.

And finally, Exhibit “C”: B. Hussein Obama. Chief Executive of the United States of Cool.  I put his name, and the word “Stimulus” into the blog, and voila! And, by using the word “stimulus”, I may get the random porn afficionado…who probably won’t make it past the Danica Patrick picture.

So, what have we learned? Huh? You weren’t paying attention? Oh…the Danica photo again. My apologies…continue your ogling, tell your friends, and clear your cookies before visiting my blog each time… Gotta have an accurate count!

I’m in heaven…

I love to eat…and I know that I need to eat better. But…I really don’t care. I’m having a Homer Simpson Moment…

Hello? Heart? Are you okay in there?
Hello? Heart? Are you okay in there?

Yes, that is a Turbaconucken. A Chicken…inside a Duck…inside a Turkey…wrapped in Bacon. Want to enjoy more deadly food? Click below…

www.thisiswhyyourefat.com

Yep...that'll do it.
Yep...that'll do it.

I can’t help but think that as you eat the Heart Attack On A Plate shown above, you need to have the numbers 9-1-1 already typed into your cellphone, with your finger twitching nervously over the “Send” button…

BAAARRRUUUPPPPPPP!

The Sopranos…

What does the headline have to do with the series? Nothing…nothing at all.

However, last night, we did have Silvio Dante and The Bosses cashew and walnuts in the same proximity…

Hardest hit by a Non-Steeler last night. And, no…I have no idea who the Mensa members on the soundtrack are. Just turn the sound down and raise the IQ of your immediate surroundings. It’s ALL about the visual. Although, I would have LOVED to have seen John Madden call the replay of this. “Now here’s a guy who plays the rock and roll and slides down the stage and BOOM!”

Oh…and it was a pretty decent game too.